Ficorpio
Chapter 1
The music was deafening, the lights blinding, and the crowd wild with movement. It was a feverish world sealed off from everything beyond the bar.
I was part of it—the mysterious, cold bartender everyone thought they knew.
They had no idea I wasn’t cold. I was simply lonely. The celebration of a hundred people only made my solitude sharper.
That loneliness gnawed at my insides like a poisonous insect. After the pain came nothing but coldness and numbness.
My name is Noah Bennett. I was a rebellious kid who left home and came alone to make a life in a place far from everything I knew.
I was nineteen when I ran away after my parents’ divorce and the crushing failure of an important exam. By sheer accident, I ended up working at a bar owned by a friend. I’d been there for three years. This year, I turned twenty-one.
That friend was Adrian Sterling, two years older than me and my senior at university. He was one of the bar’s co-owners, a gifted young businessman, and someone I admired as much as I was grateful to him.
Only later did I learn that he hadn’t given me the job because we went to the same university, or because I was qualified.
He had given it to me because he liked me.
Whenever he got drunk, he always said the same thing.
“Ollie, I like you. You know that, right?”
Every time, I pretended he was talking nonsense and gave him no answer.
Until one day, he said, “Ollie, I really do like you. Will you be my boyfriend?”
I thought it was ridiculous. A laugh escaped me before I could stop it, and I looked at him.
But the longer I stared, the less I felt like laughing.
His expression was completely serious. There wasn’t a trace of drunkenness in his eyes. I studied him again and again, and when I finally realized he wasn’t babbling nonsense, a strange feeling began to rise inside me.
I had no idea how he kissed me. I didn’t know how I ended up pushing him away.
When everything finally went quiet, all I saw was Adrian sitting on the floor. His cold gaze seemed to pierce straight through my flesh and bones. Then, as swiftly as the wind, he was gone.
I spent the entire night agonizing over it, my thoughts a tangled mess.
I didn’t see Adrian for weeks afterward. I felt guilty, helpless, and utterly lost.
I wasn’t gay. I couldn’t return Adrian’s love. No matter how grateful I was to him, how much I trusted him, or how deeply I valued him as a friend, all those feelings combined still couldn’t reach the height of love.
I felt helpless and desperately needed someone to listen. I wanted to pour out the bitterness trapped in my chest, to let someone share the weight of it, and to hear a few words of comfort and encouragement in return.
But I searched through every contact on my mobile phone and couldn’t find a single person.
Chapter 2
There were only a handful of names in my address book, and every one of them was someone I’d met through Adrian. At a moment like this, none of them could offer any real help. Some might even laugh at me for being so clueless.
My head throbbed violently. I could only keep striking it with my fists, trying to dull the pain.
I suffered from intermittent migraines, probably because I’d spent so long working in such a loud environment.
I remembered one time when the pain became unbearable. I was clutching my head and trying to make it stop when a warm hand settled on my shoulder.
“What happened, Ollie?” someone asked, his voice full of concern.
I struggled to lift my head. Adrian was looking down at me, worry written all over his face.
I forced a smile through clenched teeth. “Nothing. Just a headache. It’s no big deal.”
His brow drew tightly together.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? How can you call this no big deal?”
He took me to his private lounge without wasting a second. He rubbed medicated pain-relief balm onto my temples, made me take my medication, and then ordered me to rest in his bed.
The next morning, he even had someone bring me breakfast.
After that, I was only moved. I felt endlessly grateful to him and considered myself lucky to have such a good friend. I never imagined there could be anything more.
When I thanked him, he merely held my shoulder and reminded me to get more rest. He told me to call him whenever my head started hurting.
He even made an exception and cut my working hours.
The incident I remember most clearly happened when a belligerent customer decided to make trouble for me. Adrian stepped in front of me and took a beer bottle to the head in my place. Even with blood streaming down his face, the first thing he did afterward was ask whether I was all right.
He gripped my shoulders, his voice tight with worry. “Ollie, are you hurt?”
I was so moved I nearly cried. My throat closed up, and I couldn’t manage a complete sentence.
Looking back, Adrian really had done countless things that went far beyond the boundaries of friendship. Even an idiot would know that friends didn’t go that far for each other.
He loved me. I should have realized it long ago.
I was even slower than an idiot.
It had been three weeks since I’d last seen Adrian, and my unease kept piling up inside me.
I was absentmindedly polishing a glass when a sudden male voice broke through my thoughts.
“Hey. You got any cola?”
“Uh… yeah.”
I took a can from the shelf behind me and slid it across the bar to the man.
He drank. I watched him.
Perhaps he noticed my stare, because he suddenly looked up and caught me completely off guard.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing.” I hurriedly looked away, using a cold tone to hide the panic inside me.
Why had I been staring at him?
Chapter 3
I supposed it was because of a fact I refused to acknowledge: this man looked remarkably like Adrian.
Especially from this angle. The straight bridge of his nose, the sharp line of his chin, the slight curl at the corner of his mouth… He and Adrian could have been brothers.
I wanted to ask if he knew Adrian, but when the words reached my lips, I swallowed them back down.
I lowered my head again and focused on polishing the tumbler beside me.
“Give me another one.”
I obediently took another can of cola from the shelf. But when I handed it to him, he caught me by the wrist.
I looked up and found him grinning mischievously.
“Let go.”
“Ooh, someone’s feisty.” He smiled, showing his teeth. “Relax. I’m not a bad guy.”
“Let go.”
I repeated the words, my heart beginning to pound.
Good people and bad people weren’t defined by what they claimed to be. If he really was dangerous, then all I could do was accept that I’d had terrible luck.
The man showed no sign of releasing me. If anything, his smile grew wider, his eyes filled with amusement.
“Are you gay?” he asked suddenly.
I froze, then answered coldly, “No… Now let go of me.”
“Don’t deny it so quickly. Let me guess…” Still smiling, he continued, “You are.”
My heart jolted. I stared at him, frightened and confused.
“I was right.” He gave me a playful smile and finally released my wrist.
I quickly lowered my head, trying to hide every emotion on my face.
“My guess is, you’ve only just stepped into this world. Don’t be scared. Everyone starts somewhere. I’ve been around the block. If there’s anything you don’t understand, you can ask me.”
I scrubbed at the glass in my hands, pretending I hadn’t heard a word.
The man fell silent. It was a long while before I heard him sigh.
“Such a clueless kid…”
Those words stirred a strange ache in my chest. I pressed my lips together and slowly lifted my head.
He was gazing into the distance with a lonely expression. Then he tipped back the can and took a long drink before turning his attention to me.
The moment he saw me looking, the mischief returned to his face. Leaning closer, he asked, “What is it? Got questions you don’t understand?”
I kept my expression flat and shook my head coldly.
“Very cool.” He whistled at me.
The wall of ice around my heart had already melted halfway. After that brief exchange, I realized he really didn’t seem like a bad person.
Soon, another customer ordered drinks, and I had no choice but to turn my attention elsewhere. By the time I finished, the man’s seat was empty.
For some reason, I felt a little disappointed.
I walked over and found a note tucked beneath the can of cola.