Ficorpio
Chapter 1
The day the interview results came out, I came across a post:
“How much damage can an idealized first love really do?”
The top answer had only been posted a few minutes earlier.
“I’ll tell you about mine. He had a crush on me in high school, and we ran into each other a few days ago when I was applying for a job.
“Even if I wasn’t the best candidate, he’d still make sure I became the one-in-a-million choice.”
Attached was a graduation photograph from when they were eighteen.
The girl wore a white dress. Her slender back looked quiet and demure.
The boy had turned his head to look at her, his profile clean-cut and…
familiar.
My phone vibrated with a message informing me that I had been rejected.
Only then did I understand.
She was Ethan Sterling’s idealized first love.
And she had destroyed my future.
I would rather wait for spring than turn back for a bird that had already flown.
I could let my feelings become a complete mess.
But my future, my freedom, and my life could not be allowed to go wrong.
The replies below exploded almost instantly.
“Seriously? Helping your son or grandson get ahead is one thing, but now people are pulling strings for their idealized first love too?”
“Keep talking, Moonlight Girl. Give us more, or I’m worried the concerned citizens won’t be able to track you down.”
“If you’re old enough to pull strings for someone, you must be married, right? Is the poster playing mistress under the excuse of being his first love?”
“Another cockroach standing in the sunlight! Do cockroaches like you also get divided into idealized first loves and unforgettable marks of love?”
…
The poster wasn’t in the least bit anxious. If anything, she sounded rather pleased with herself.
“I know you’re all plain and pathetic, struggling to afford even the basics in real life, so the only thing you can do is throw a tantrum online.”
“I was simply born lucky. I’m a divorced mother, and there’s still someone who spoils me like a little princess. Go ahead and be jealous! He’s even going to celebrate my success with me after work.”
That latest reply had been posted two minutes earlier.
I opened my phone. Ethan Sterling was pinned at the top of my messages.
Only two hours ago, he had told me he was going to a dinner with some high-school classmates that evening.
As usual, Ethan had sent me his location.
“Come find me anytime if you need anything.”
For the past five years, he had always taken the initiative to keep me informed.
Whenever he had to work late, attend a dinner, or leave town unexpectedly…
Even when it was only a few simple words, they had always been enough to reassure me.
So I had never thought about seeing what he was like in front of other people.
But today, I suddenly wanted to know.
The wind and snow outside had grown heavier. Everywhere I looked, the road was filled with harsh red headlights.
The restaurant was close to the laboratory, so it wasn’t difficult to find.
Chapter 2
Maybe it was the weather, but there weren’t many customers.
I quickly found their private room.
The conversation inside was lively.
“Ethan’s definitely the most successful one among all of us now. And Vivian Hayes’s situation isn’t a small matter, either. Look how easily he handled it…”
“You used to say he only knew how to bury himself in his books. Look at him now. I’ve heard Ethan is highly valued at his institution.”
“It was nothing. Just a small favor.”
Ethan’s voice was calm and indifferent, as though he were commenting on the weather.
“I’m buying tonight. Order whatever you like.”
The others showered him with another round of praise.
“Vivian, you really don’t have to worry about your future anymore. To put it bluntly, with Ethan backing you, no one would dare say anything even if you never showed up for work.”
The woman called Vivian gave a cold little snort.
“You make it sound as if I rely entirely on Ethan. I researched the position a long time ago. I wouldn’t have submitted my résumé if I weren’t fully qualified.”
“Fully qualified? This is one of the top two laboratories in the city. In previous years, they wouldn’t even accept anyone without a doctorate from Eastbridge University. What kind of degree do you have—”
“Vivian met every requirement in the hiring process.”
Ethan raised his voice slightly, cutting the other man off with effortless ease.
“But Frank, aren’t you worried your wife will be angry if she finds out?”
The speaker was Ethan’s college roommate, and the only person there who knew me well enough to be familiar with me.
Ethan’s voice suddenly turned cold.
“What is there to make a fuss about? I’m only helping an old classmate.”
“Besides, Claire and I are getting married soon. Even if she never worked, I could still keep her fed.”
Everyone chimed in, whether they meant it or were simply saying what was expected of them.
“To be honest, she should be grateful she gets to marry you. Her ancestors must have done something right.”
“If it were me, I’d take good care of the man supporting me. Who would go looking for trouble when they had nothing to worry about?”
“Vivian, tell us—weren’t you wrong about Ethan back then? If you’d accepted him, you’d be the one living the good life now!”
It was a secret everyone knew.
Yet the private room fell silent.
“Why would I complain when someone else is willing to support me? I’m honestly jealous of her. If it weren’t for Lily, why would I want to go out and work like a pack mule?”
Vivian’s voice sounded muffled, almost aggrieved.
“I heard that girl isn’t from around here. Did your parents approve?”
The “girl” he meant was me.
“…Yes.”
The person speaking clearly didn’t want to continue the subject.
“Ethan, I’m only asking before you get married. If I—”
Ethan interrupted her instinctively.
“There aren’t that many ifs in this world.”
Chapter 3
“Right now, I’m the only person she can rely on in this city. And she comes from a divorced family. Girls from families like that… You wouldn’t understand.”
I pulled my down jacket tighter around myself.
The heat in the hallway was stifling, almost hard to breathe through, yet my whole body continued to tremble.
For one brief moment, I didn’t want to say anything at all.
My heart went hollow. The emotions caught in my throat, unable to come out and impossible to swallow.
I felt sick.
So this was the Ethan Sterling who existed in front of other people.
He could take my private life and turn it into a joke.
He could portray me as shameless and desperate, strip me of every last shred of dignity, and reduce me to nothing.
I walked aimlessly down the street, my face burning with pain.
I knew this wasn’t my fault, yet I still broke down in tears.
For five years, every moment of our relationship—even the insignificant ones—played through my mind one after another.
Ethan Sterling was five years older than me. During my first year of graduate school, he returned to Eastbridge University as an outstanding alumnus to give a presentation.
When I learned that he worked at the laboratory I had always dreamed of joining, I hurriedly scanned the QR code on the screen.
At first, I only wanted to learn more about the latest recruitment updates.
But whether by coincidence or by some inevitable design, we kept running into each other in public.
Sometimes at a professor’s lecture. Sometimes at an academic symposium.
Little by little, we found ourselves spending more and more time together.
He was just as calm and rational as the rumors claimed. His striking appearance was the least remarkable thing about him.
Once, when I was crying my eyes out over a complicated set of data in the laboratory, Ethan happened to return from a university event and decided to visit the research building farthest from the main gate.
Another time, my roommates and I got into an argument with people at the next table while we were eating out. Ethan and his friends happened to be in the restaurant beside ours and stepped in to help us out.
And once, when I was alone at the hospital for a medical examination, holding a vague report and too afraid to ask the doctor about it, Ethan came toward me from the end of the hallway, backlit by the afternoon sun…
On Christmas Eve, he asked me out to dinner and confessed his feelings with astonishing ease.
I stood there in a daze, as if I had been hit by a box full of good fortune.
He took a small step back, leaving what felt to me like a safe distance between us.
“It’s all right if you want to say no. What you want matters most.”