Ficorpio
Chapter 1
I came out to my three roommates.
Ethan Sterling—the youngest in the dorm, and usually the one closest to me, forever clinging to my side—shouted angrily, “I’m not gay!”
Huh?
Confused, I said, “I know. I’m just saying that I’m gay.”
Ethan flushed with embarrassment and snapped, “I said I’m not gay!”
What?
I was even more confused. “Uh… but I am.”
Ethan’s entire face turned so red it looked ready to catch fire. “Fine, then! I agree to be your boyfriend. You don’t have to keep emphasizing it!”
Me: “…What?”
“Yes. I’m definitely gay.”
To save myself from unnecessary explanations later, I waited until my roommates were discussing their love lives—and the conversation turned to me—before calmly tossing out those few words.
And that was how I came out to my roommates.
I said it so calmly that it was almost as simple as announcing I’d killed someone.
“Holy crap!”
After a brief, deeply awkward silence, Noah Carter opened his mouth and, as usual, completely missed the point.
“So… are you a top or a bottom?”
That was a little forward.
But if I had to choose, I did lean more toward being the bottom.
In the end, Marcus Reed smacked Noah across the back of the head, saving me from having to answer while feeling even more awkward.
“Sorry, big bro!”
Noah’s mouth had always been faster than his brain. With the help of that smack, the two finally managed to catch up with each other.
He followed it with several exaggerated bows, putting on an absurdly formal accent as he apologized.
There were four of us in the dorm, ranked by age according to our informal Dorm Seniority Ranking: Marcus was the oldest, I was second, Noah was third, and Ethan was the youngest.
As the second-oldest, born only ten days before Noah, I considered myself obligated to show some generosity toward the younger members. So I smiled magnanimously and indicated that I understood.
“My dear big bro,” Noah said, sidling up to me again with a nosy grin. “Tell your little brother—are you being so honest because there’s someone you’re hoping to develop a relationship with? Heh heh heh.”
“There is someone I’d like to pursue, but nothing’s happened yet.”
I answered honestly, even as Noah attacked me with a multilingual barrage of “darling,” “honey,” and increasingly ridiculous pet names.
The moment I finished speaking, Bed Two erupted with a clatter.
I looked over and discovered that the disturbance had come from Ethan, who hadn’t joined our conversation because he usually had no interest in romance-related topics. He’d been lying on his bed, playing a Mobile Pool Game on his phone.
He suddenly sprang upright.
Unfortunately, he was too tall for the room. His head slammed straight into the ceiling.
He tried to crouch from the pain, but his balance gave out. He stumbled and landed on all fours, his phone flying from his hand and vanishing somewhere under the force of his momentum.
Chapter 2
He stayed there on his hands and knees, eyes wide as saucers, staring at me in shock.
Ethan’s slightly drooping eyes, combined with his usual clingy, affectionate energy, had always made everyone compare him to a dog. Like this, he looked even more like a startled puppy.
I burst out laughing.
Marcus and Noah did too.
Marcus assumed Ethan was shocked because I was gay. “Ethan, your reaction time is longer than my life expectancy.”
Noah had already finished apologizing and had even completed his interrogation of my love life, yet Ethan was only just reacting.
We were still laughing when Ethan suddenly shouted. His voice was threaded with confusion and some other emotion I couldn’t quite identify. It even cracked halfway through.
“I’m not gay!”
Huh?
Who had asked him?
Marcus and Noah exchanged glances and stopped laughing.
The smile slowly faded from my lips, too.
I couldn’t make heads or tails of Ethan’s sudden declaration.
I was genuinely confused.
Still, I silently agreed with him that he wasn’t gay. After all, I’d lived with him for two years. The odds of Ethan being anything other than a Straight Guy seemed only slightly greater than the eye of a needle.
So I nodded and said, “I know. I’m just saying that I’m gay.”
Ethan became even more agitated.
His face went bright red, and he looked so embarrassed that he was practically angry. “I said I’m not gay!”
Who had asked him again?
Marcus and Noah began whispering about Ethan openly, trying to analyze his behavior.
Unfortunately, their analysis failed.
I was even more confused. I opened my mouth, then closed it again.
I wanted to say something, but Ethan’s completely illogical string of statements had left me with no clear idea what that something should be.
After a long hesitation, I said, “Uh… but I am.”
Then, thinking of the possible reason he was insisting so fiercely that he wasn’t gay, I added, “Ethan, if it bothers you—”
I didn’t get to finish.
Ethan shot off his bed like a huge puppy bolting after a sudden scare. His face was scarlet as he jumped down and charged out of the dorm.
The balcony door shuddered from the force with which he slammed it behind him.
No one had expected Ethan to react that strongly.
Once the door slammed shut, the three of us just stared at one another.
Noah was the first to speak. “What was that supposed to mean?”
Marcus thought it over for a moment before offering the most reasonable explanation. “Homophobia?”
But Ethan came from a wealthy family, had traveled widely, and got along with everyone. He even had lesbian friends. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who couldn’t accept something like this.
Chapter 3
Noah disagreed. He mulled it over in silence for a while, then suddenly saw the light. Slapping his palm down decisively, he announced, “He’s deeply closeted!”
Marcus looked profoundly impressed. He drew in a quiet breath, gave Noah an approving look, and raised his thumb.
“Correct. Fair. Objective. Reasonable. Clear. Profound. Insightful. Brilliant. Sharp. Comprehensive. Right to the heart of the matter. Straight to the point. Deeply informed. A genuine revelation. Concise yet meaningful. Thoroughly illuminating. You have seen through the surface and grasped the truth beneath it. You understand not only what happened, but why it happened. A truth that will withstand the test of time. My dear little brother, give the word and I will crown you the King of Truth in Room 4107!”
I burst out laughing. “That’s slander. I support Ethan taking this all the way to the Supreme Court.”
Marcus saw that I was still joking around with them as usual and didn’t seem completely crushed, so he took the opportunity to add, “Don’t overthink it.”
I knew they were only making jokes to ease the tension and comfort me. I gave them a genuine smile and nodded to show them I was fine.
The smile was genuine. Being fine was a lie.
My heart had sunk halfway to the floor.
But I didn’t regret coming out.
I had never deliberately hidden my sexuality. I didn’t think it was anything shameful, and I didn’t think there was anything abnormal about it. At the same time, I understood that some people might not be able to accept it.
Still, if that person was Ethan, it hurt.
Ethan’s words had been all over the place, like he’d lost his mind, but the meaning behind them was obvious enough.
I thought it over.
He probably couldn’t accept my orientation and wanted to draw a clear line between us.
After all, we had been closer than anyone else in the dorm. Maybe he was afraid people would misunderstand our relationship.
I glanced at the dorm-room door he had slammed with all his strength and took a deep breath. I’d find a chance to talk to him again.
If he truly couldn’t accept it, then so be it.
I was only losing the roommate who had brought me breakfast practically every day of the year and eaten lunch and dinner with me.
No big deal. No big deal.
…It hurt. If I was being honest, it still hurt a little.
I was only losing the best friend I’d made during college.
No big deal. No big deal.
…It hurt. Honestly, it hurt like hell.
I tried to comfort myself, but clearly, it wasn’t working.
I wasn’t a social person, and I took a long time to warm up to people. I was used to being alone, and I knew how to enjoy my own company. Before starting college, I had already prepared myself to spend the next few years on my own.